Monday, May 30, 2011

Marathon Training....a disaster week??

I fully intended to write up an in depth explanation of the Marathon Training Plan I am following.  But for now, I am making a quick post, from my son's hospital room, because this is where we ended up this fine Memorial Day weekend.

I know shit happens, and I know that training plans are a great outline to follow, but adjust as you need to.  Here is my dilemma...along with training to run, I am also doing a 100 mile bike ride this Saturday. 
Bloody Hell, it sounded like a fan-freaking-tastic idea until I have to find the time to DO the workouts layed out for BOTH events.

My training plan had a total of 16 miles to complete, divided between four days.  Sounds reasonable enough, right?  Totally....but did it, I DID NOT!  My own plans were to run and bike on alternating days with 2 long bike rides this weekend, and a 7 mile trail run with steep hills, just to humble my sorry ass.

Monday- Spin Class (nice ass kicking)
Tuesday- 4 mile run on 'dreadmill'
Friday-, notice a huge gap here??
Saturday- 40 mile bike ride
Sunday- Noah admitted to the hospital
Monday- still in the hospital

So, it is what it is.  I brought my running shoes to the hospital, so I could sneak off and run some trails up by the hospital when Noah had a crowd of visitors to keep him company, but it has not happened.  They sit in my bag begging to be worn, not so much because 'the plan' says to, but because I need to feel fresh air in my face, and see that there is life outside the walls of your child's hospital room.  Running gives me time to think, and reflect, and gain perspective so I can focus on the good that is happening with Noah, and not so much the worry you have as a parent sitting here dwelling on his health.  He is going to be okay, and I am hoping he will be released from the hospital tomorrow.  The running shoes will go back on, but for now, I am in the only place I need to be, and that is by his side.  That is more important than anything.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Derby is on the list

I want to share something to you. 
Something that I have wanted to become for years now.
A Derby Girl

Please note the date on the above picture. November 13, 2008.  This has been posted on my wall next to my computer monitor for nearly 3 years now.  I had been going to watch roller derby even beyond the date of that e-mail, when the only team was the Salt City Derby Girls, and the 4 teams that made it up.  We first began to watch them at the Olympic Oval.  Addie and I were devoted to 'Leave it to Cleavers', while the boys were all about the 'Bomber Babes'. If you have never been to see a match, let me tell you, it will make you a fan.  There is something special about it, something that makes you want to strap on skates and wear hot pants and fishnets.

I bought skates, I went around my house in circles like a clumsy fool, but I did it anyways.  I never had the confidence to go out in public to practice.  So my desire to do it was added to my 'weight loss bucket list'. This self-esteem issue I have will always be such a god damn inner battle.  There is no reason that I couldn't get out there and make my dreams come true at any size, but that is what happened.  Just like everything else in my life, I 'dreamed' of being something, rather that going after what I wanted.

The closest thing I ever became to a Derby Girl was at Halloween.
(really....I just wanted to post Gabe in his Dangle costume.....
anything to see my man in uniform. grrrrrrr.)

Then, one magical day, I noticed a post from Bill Frost at City Weekly on facebook.  It was a link to a recreational derby league called the Red Rockettes.  Are you kidding me?  Is it seriously possible that I can learn to play derby?  So, what did my co-dependant ass do?  I called my best girl Leanne and begged her to join with me.  She did, without hesitation, because she knew how much I have always talked about wanting to do it one day.  She is such an amazing friend, I can not tell you what she means to me.

After the first session, I was in love.  I came home and told Gabe, "This is finally going to happen for me"
I felt confident skating, I was willing to do the drills and learn the god forsaken cross overs that always scared me.  The group of girls who started were all there for the same reasons, to have fun with their love of derby.  A group I could relate with. time went on, I began to miss more practices.  A meeting here and there, a vacation, sickness, and before I knew it, I would show up to practice and feel completely out of the loop.  I had no idea what they were working on, I had not had anytime to practice outside of the sessions, and my shitty confidence levels began to drop back to their normal ways.  I started to get hurt, and when I would take a hard fall, (uh hum...skate in the vag anyone??) it would take me days to recover and I wasn't able to run at all for the Half Marathon I was training for.  I was at a crossroads trying to decide what I wanted, because I realized, I could not have both.  I decided to train for my runs, and then every practice that came up, I became depressed and cried all night because I wanted to be doing derby too.  I was really pissing myself off for not being able to have it all.
One thing I felt like I wanted from derby, even more than the sexy clothes and bad ass attitude, was a connection with the girls.  They are all so damn awesome, and I felt like I was losing my own 'girl' connection, by having Addie turn 18 and knowing that she would be gone to college in a few short months.  God knows I love my boys, but I was losing my daughter, and it broke my heart.  She decided to join the next session with me, and I was stoked beyond belief knowing we would experience that together before she leaves.  Well, shit happens and life plans interfere with the fun things you want, and it was not possible for her to do it.  Again, I fell back from it, and derby became another thing I felt I failed at.  Failure is the most common feeling for me.  I push myself hard, and even when I achieve something, I don't give myself credit for it.  When I fall short of a goal, that's when I fucking hate myself and I begin to doubt I will ever get to accomplish my dreams.
Leanne would call me every Thursday to see if I was going, and I never did.  I felt like if I showed up, I would be too far behind, and I am no fucking poser.  I am either in, or out.  But then, how can I have my connection, my night out with chicks so awesome I envy and still be able to live with my current goal of training hard for a marathon?  I am at a crossroads, and it tears at me like I never thought it would. 

This is where I stand, at the moment.  I have realized that my goal of accomplishing the marathon, and becoming a derby girl are the two most important things I have set out for myself.  I am not giving up on either.  The derby is going to be there, and after I run this beast, I will be able to go to derby without the fear of an injury causing me to fall short of the marathon.  I hope to keep it in my life until then either way, just taking it slow, going back to basic drills and just skate for the fun of it.  If this makes me a loser, so be it.  If it makes me a poser, so be it.  I have nothing to prove to anyone but myself.

I NEED this in my life.  These girls are so supportive of each other.  Everyone has their own uniqueness they bring to the mix, and there is something happening way beyond a recreational derby league.  It is a sisterhood, a family forming and a support base for ladies of all shapes, sizes, backgrounds and lifestyles. 

I am honored to even be associated with this group,
and I will forever be a Red Rockette.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Whole Foods Focus Group

Tuesday night I attended a focus group at the Whole Foods in Cottonwood Heights.
I was asked to come and participate in a discussion about various topics such as:
  • What could be done to improve the store
  • Where do we shop?
  • What things are important to me as a consumer when deciding where to grocery shop.
It was an interesting evening, as all cases tend to be when you put a random group of people together who do not know each other, but are all asked the same question.  I always have nicknames for people, almost within the first 5 minutes of interacting with someone.  There was "That Lady" the one who doesn't shut the hell up.  She pours her life story out at every given chance, and it is a constant battle to try and get the topic back to why we are all there to begin with.  There was the "Rich Bitch" you know, "Oh, my husband makes well over six figures a year, so where I shop doesn't matter at all"  Can it sister, go back to your empty life you filled with material objects because your husband ignores you.  Some chick was there who I have no idea what to say about.  She went on and on about how her Dad supports her and her baby, and she refuses to feed her baby anything but organic food, so he had to get a second job to support the cost of the groceries she buys, and she even made him move to a house across from the Whole Foods.  I am not sure who I wanted to punch more, the girl or her father....give me a break. 

I really enjoyed it though.  I like offering feedback on things, especially when the end results could benefit me.  I love Whole Foods, and although I can not afford to shop there all the time, it is still a place I purchase items from weekly.  They were very generous in my opinion.  They fed us dinner, and gave us a goodie bag along with a.....wait for it........$ 50.00 gift card to the store.  CHA-CHING!  God know I will blow through that stash 'o cash in no time at all.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Bring on the Pain

Portland or Bust
as in, imma gonna be bustin' my ass hardcore

This is a picture of Gabe and I holding the sign I made to cheer him on at the
Ogden Marathon this past weekend. 
Can you imagine what a jerk he must have thought I was, standing there at mile 26, with .2 miles left to go, the finish line is in sight, and I am there to remind him that we are doing the next one together?
I couldn't just let him finish, live in the moment
and celebrate before thinking ahead.
Nah, that's not my style.  I had to be a smart ass.

Have you ever seen someone run a marathon?? 
I have watched Gabe run 13 of them now.
To be honest, it makes me cry watching someone take it on.
and.....scared shit less at the mere thought of it.
What's the big deal?
26.2 miles is the answer
Doesn't seem far to you?
Get in your car and drive it, now imagine running it.

I have been on this weight loss journey for over 2 years now, and my running adventures started at the same time with a 5k.  The following Fall, I ran another one, and decided that I wanted to be a runner, I wanted to push myself.  I registered for a Half Marathon the next Spring.  I finished my first Half Marathon over a year ago, and ran 3 more last year,
and I have completed 2 so far this year. sounds pretty fantastic when I write it down,
but I want more......
or do I?  Yes. I Do.
It is on the list...the Weight Loss Bucket List.
I will share the details of that to come, but for now, know this....
it is the ultimate prize in my mind,
The Glory of saying I ran a Marathon,
and kicked it's ass with my awesomeness.

Here is the map of the Portland Marathon route, the one that I finally chose, after much thought.
Why Portland?
Well, the course is open for 8 hours. 
This is the most walker friendly marathon in the country.
I know I will train to run this whole thing,
and I will train my ass off hoping to finish it in half that time.
But if I don't, if I fall short of that time,
I will still finish. 
If I break my leg, get sick, or god forbid something else happens,
I will crawl my sorry ass to the finish,
even if it takes the whole 8 hours.

Please stay with me while I embark on this journey.  I am going to keep track of my training, my thoughts after, how I am doing and feeling at the time.  This is going to be life changing for me in so many ways.
It is not the final chapter in this journey I have been on, but rather a

Like I said before....Bring On The Pain.  I am ready.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Lunch Today

Kale, Tofu, Zucchini, Orange Peppers, Asparagus and Brown Rice
with Red Pepper Flakes and a yummy Ginger Sauce.

I wanted to blog today, but realized I wouldn't have time for anything with quality. 
So, I am sharing my lunch.
Your welcome

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Healthy Heathen

(I have no idea what to here it goes)

Name:  Heather Griffith
Age: 35 years old
Children: 3 kids, ages 6-18
Married: Yes, and damn lucky to have held on to him this long
Where I Roam: Salt Lake City, UT
Hobbies:  Running, Cycling, Roller Derby
Obsession: Healthy Living Blogs, Jason Isbell, Peanut Butter and Kale
Talents:  Amazing Heel Clicker and Getting Hurt
Likes: Tattoos, Travel and Music
Dislikes: Winter and Watermelon
Favorite Booze Drink: Sailor Jerry
Roller Derby Name and Number: Chick S'Lay #11-11

Basic Description:  At first glance, I come off as a tough, tattooed chick with a foul mouth.  Once people get to know me, they see I am shy, always wanting to help others and really hard on myself.  I am a former Fat Girl, and I am on a path of self-discovery that I hope to share.

I am unsure how to begin a blog based only on myself, but I need to do this for several reasons.  The main one being so I can share my life and the many struggles I have gone through with weight loss and health.  I feel I have 'wasted' nearly half my life living in a body that held me back from accomplishing the things I always wanted to.  Over 2 years ago, when I really started to succeed at losing weight, I began to realize that it wasn't my body holding me back, it was my mind.  Once I began to make the connection that as long as I filled my life with self-doubt and excuses, there would be no turning back from the position I had put myself in.  I had to accept and take blame for the way I hid behind food as a way to cope with situations in my life that I had no control of.  This has been a long journey, and it isn't over.  I still battle demons, I wish I could say I didn't.  I hope to find a healthy balance between body and mind.  One thing I need to work on is liking myself, and not being so hard on myself.  I deserve credit for the things I have accomplished, yet, I still haven't found a way to make friends with the 'fat girl' that I was.  I am making progress, and I hope that by sharing my story, I can help anyone who has been in the same position I have been in their life, and see that it can be done, it is not impossible, or even too late to take back your life, and begin living it the way you want.