Burnout

My life has been lacking something major lately.  It brings me down, and I need to get my goals and priorities in check.   I need to start running again.

I feel like I have been lazy when it comes to fitness.  I had come so far....and after the marathon last October, I crashed.  Total and utter burnout.  I put a lot of stress on myself last year.  I swore I would finish 11 BIG events, being 11 is my favorite number, and my birthday was on 11-11-11.  It had to be significant..... I had to be awesome.  What I did was put myself under so much stress, that I ended up with pneumonia, and altered training so much, that just finishing became my goal, and not enjoying the journey or accomplishments along the way.  After each race, I would take the medal, and place it in a drawer with my shirt, and close it and move on.  I never took pictures of them, or blogged, or rewarded myself.  I just moved on to the next thing like it was a 'chore'.  How screwed up is that?  What's the point in doing anything if you don't enjoy the victory.  The only possible exception to this is my first marathon, which I wrote an amazing heart felt blog about, that was complete with pictures and stories of each struggle mile by mile.  I cried when I read it, because it summed my experience up to a tee.  As I posted it....or so I thought, I accidently deleted it.  No idea how, no way to recover it.  I cried for about an hour, because more than I wanted to share it with everyone else, I wanted it in words so I would always look back on it with pride.  I was devasted, and didn't have it in me to start over, knowing it would never be the same.

I am not going to do that.  I am not going to be that extreme.  But in the end, I want to accomplish more.  I have amazing goals, and if I can just start, make a plan, and stick to it until it is habit, I have no doubt I will acheive them.  Becoming an 'athlete' has been my dream while I was overweight.  I watched my husband do it over and over, and dreamt about what it felt like to claim that victory.  I want to be a positive example for my children, run side by side with my husband, and start to be the person I always dreamed of being.